Love, Fear and Enlightenment ~CordieB.

She gazed upon his deep brown eyes
Glaized with love and fear; confused yet wise
she knew he loved her desperately . . . .
he could not risk her flying free

She knew she loved him through all fate
with him she’d found her mirrored mate
but with his love came blind control
Though undeliberate, such control shackled her soul

She knew her love was full and true
but there were other things she also knew . . .
she knew she could not be contained
into the life for which he’d planned

She knew he had insecurities
that would never allow her to simply be
he’d always possess the fear of flight
of her souring endlessly into the night

But since her love was true and tried
she eased his fears; stayed by his side
dealt with his subtle controls of will
convinced his way was better still

In time she lost desire to feel . . .

the warmth of the glowing sun
the coolness of the rain upon
her gentle being which she’d dreamed of
she’d traded peace of mind for love . . .

but still the longing in her eyes
revealed a tale of silent cries
this only hightend his insecurites
gave way to anger; raged immaturities
he’d often, confused, demand her to leave
but she’d hold to her sweet reprieve . . .

then one blessed day so crystal clear
the god’s of earth’s great atmosphere
gave strength to follow the raged command
thus she left the home of her beloved man
which she had humorously dubbed the promise land

though she knew his words were those of fear
the god’s gave her insight true and clear
that though her love was tried and true
living that life again; she she could not do

she needed the ability to shed her tears
to speak or write her words without the fears
of disillusioned, often drunken anger
for which she feared might trigger danger

But still her love so pure remained
Yet her peace of mind was hence regained
she knew she really loved this man
but feared rejection and anger once again . . .

She bathed in sweet tranquilities
she felt she finally could breath
she missed his presense even so . . .
Yet there was a stranger she had to get to know

She needed to get to know herself
not live her life for someone else
she needed to live her own desires
find out what really sparked her fires

Again, her love was tried and true
but being alone was something she needed to do
she’d always ran from man to man
if one doesn’t work out; another one can
was often her motto for many years
so in fact she had never faced her inner fears
thus she found herself crying the same sad tears

She felt if she simply returned for love
the same problems would arise in time thereof
for although she loved him beyond compare
she knew she’d lost a part of self somewhere . . .

Ah yes! she loved him desperately
and felt there love was meant to be
but with raw emotions and fear intertwined
she risked loosing his love to find her mind

To be continued. . . .

~By CordieB

Let us drop the stones of revenge and try a new approach... forgiveness - by Anit@_M

 Now just because we forgive someone does not mean that we should allow anyone to continually hurt us. It means that we release them from the anger, resentment, and bitterness usually associated with an unforgiving spirit. It means that we love them, in spite of….. We love them whether they are in our lives or out of our lives…just like the father loves the prodigal son.  In order to conjure the spirit of forgiveness, we must first conjure the spirit of godly love and compassion. The spirit of godly love (agape) “compassionate love” will get us much further in our relationships than the spirit of being in love (eros) “passionate love.” You see in the spirit of eros love, with it’s swirling emotions and drama, we don’t actually actively love our beloved; rather, we find a desperate emotional need for our beloved to love us.  Although, the spirit of eros in a relationship is important, as it makes the relationship, exciting and exhilarating, these feelings ALWAYS dissipate unless they are accompanied by the spirit of agape love.

So if there is something that you feel unforgiving about your beloved today, try to summon the spirit of agape love and harness compassion, not only for your beloved, but also for yourself.    This is the spirit that 50-year old anniversaries are based upon!  You might be surprised how much better you will feel about your beloved, but even more so, about yourself!

Quote for the Day:   "There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.” – Bryant H. McGill -

Later this week, I will give some ideas on harnessing the spirit of agape love….and I appreciate any input or comments you may have.  Until then…

Peace, Light and Love, CordieB.

Silent secrets of the heart
Break your spirit into parts
parts of love and parts of pain
searching for one’s self again . . .

Silent secrets speak no peace
Only vague uncertainties
Leaving traces in disguise
Of dormant truths that will arise

Silent secrets tell no lies
And it comes as no surprise
When the silence breaks the core
Heart and spirit fight no more

Silent secrets have no bearing
on what we call love or caring
for they only weigh the spirit
Weighted hearts hold no merit

Silent secrets can’t tell lies
They are revealed in the eyes
Of the soul who bears evidence
Of the secret’s consequence.

Silent secrets speak so loud
Though they leave a question cloud
As to whether they are really heard
Heart and Soul speak a foreign word

Silent secrets do tell lies
to the self in haunting cries
to release their awful woe
let them loose! freely flow!

Silent secrets released alas!
from the hidden looking glass;
spirit free; heart released a ton
heart and spirit now dance as one!

Photo courtesy of Pink Sherbet Photography, shared under Creative Commons

He was sinfully proud of her beauty

Her complexion and velvety touch brought him immense joy

On occasions he’d simply watch her with passion;

Delicately caressing her softness…

To keep her closer, he removed her from her essense.

Inevitiably, she withered away.

Thus, he lost not only his pride; but also his joy;

the Rose.

Written by CordieB.

Quote for the Day:  If you allow  pride to cause you to cut your rose from its root, you’re bound to lose not only your pride, but more sadly your joy.  ~CordieB.

Peace, Light and Love. . . .

….Continued from the previous post . . . .

Island ~CordieB

The Darker Side of Love Part II  ~Written by CordieB ©2008

I have always loved Charna. I knew and loved her since I can remember remembering. I only wished there were a way to break this curse of love and darkness. I consulted with all the masters of the day–the Crown Witches, Warlocks and High Priests–but no one had any answers. The answer, they insisted lie in me. They only gave me riddles. Why is it that they could not break the curse or give me the answer. Perhaps they really had no answers. They had warned me time after time about falling so deeply in love with Charna, again. They had advised me to find a new love; that love was not meant to be passed from life time to life time. It was unnatural for one to return to their humanly body and consort with a past acquaintance. It always caused problems – it was a freak of nature, time and space. Usually, nature corrected itself by casting both together into eternal darkness. That is something I did not want to happen. I would avoid eternal darkness at all costs.

I began to question my own judgment. Was I being selfish for not granting Charna the gift of eternal life and youth on earth? In her past lives she never demanded eternal life as she has this time. Seems each generation becomes wickeder and wickeder. Was I really protecting Charna from the curse, or was I in fact being selfish in my refusal. I could not reveal the Secret of Loving the Undead to Charna as long as she was mortal; to do so would mean eternal damnation and suffering for both of us. The laws were written long ago in order to keep balance between the live and undead. Charna had died naturally in most of her past lives. Tragically, she took her own life the past two lives. Although she was depressed in her past lives, I had never witnessed evil in her. I had never expected thought she’d turn this way; as she had always been so passive. Her evilness and insistence was beginning to effect me. I often prayed that she would become sick, get hit by a car. Of course I knew that I would miss her; but I also knew that she would return to me in another of her lives.

Each time she returned, I promised myself that I would not seek her; I would leave her to live her life in a normal manner, the manner for which the universe had intended. I would love her enough to allow her to find love and give love to a mortal like herself. But my love for her was so strong that each time she was borne again, I would watch her, love her – knowing that I would someday marry her once more.

If I bit her, she would become immortal, but I would be instantly transposed into a mere mortal. I would have to grow old, get sick, and live through all the travesties that mortals have to live through. Although I felt I could do it, I was unsure if Charna could continue to love me if the roles were reversed. Also, although it’s hard admitting to myself, I fear the unknown. I fear death. Does Charna love me to the degree that I would be rematerialized as I love her. Was her love strong enough to bring me back as a mortal many times over as my love is for her. Would she be able to keep the secret from me, as I have kept it from her through many life times, in order that we not be cast into eternal damnation?

I never had to make these decisions in her past lives. She never had insisted on being bitten. But this time around, Charna became obsessed with youth, glamour, and immortality. I could not help but notice that most humans in general have become obsessed with immorality. I, on the other hand, never had to give it much thought. I have forever been immortal, so to think about immortality for me has never been an issue. That is until now. Now that I feel I must make a choice in order to ensure that Charna is happy. I hate to see her misery. It in itself is like eternal damnation.

Perhaps I should not have introduced her to the underworld crowd. But, I remembered how sad and alone she felt in past lives because she had no one to share our secret life with. I thought that by her having the ability to meet and talk with those of the underworld about our life, to have friends who understood. . . . people she could relate to . . . she would not fall into the deep depression, and madness she always fell into in her past lives.

I felt I had all the answers this time. But, I’ve unfortunately manifested a monster. The world has changed so much sense Charna’s last manifestation, or has it always been this way? Things started changing in the late 60′s. That’s the first time that Charna’s demise resulted from self destruction. All demises before the 60′s resulted from illness or accidents. The 60′s was a time that women were beginning to "find" themselves. The Charna that I had manifested in the past did not fit into this new world. Our secret had to be kept; yet, women were venturing out into the world. She wanted to venture out too. It depressed her to not be able to share our experiences with her mortal friends. Before, she had been happy with it just being us. I took care of her. We had each other; that’s all we needed. But the 60s brought on new complications for me. . . for us. Woman were insisting on speaking their minds; including Charna. Her frustration on my insistence on her not mingling or confiding with her friends and my desire to keep her all to myself eventually lead to her depression. Those friends that she did confine with thought her to be mad-insane. Her own family insisted that she was insane or on one of the new drugs of the century for believing she was married to a vamp. Shamefully, I in my selfishness back then never told them anything different. I was not man or immortal enough to defend her back then. I was an immature vamp then. I learned the hard way that I could not control Charna.

I thought I had the surest answer this time around. I would introduce her to the other side. This way, she would have others to relate to. It would be perfect. Perhaps I was wrong.

To be continued. . .

Relationship Rollercoaster ~CordieB

This seemingly unending roller coaster ride is wearing me out

Why won’t the conductor stop this ride . . . I scream! I cry! I shout!

I hold on tight; while alternately waving my hands wildly in the air

I look to the clouds, Oh God, I whisper a desperate prayer

The roller coaster ride is making me feel ill, ill, ill!

Round and round; up and down; over and over;  never still

My stomach drops–aches with nausea; head aches; heart races

Round and round; up and down; recycling, revisiting the same stories, spaces, places

The roller coaster stops briefly; Alas, I can now get off —

Finally! I catch my breath…Enough is enough is enough, IS ENOUGH!

But NO! . . . the conductor obliviously pulls the switch again!

I curse! If I ride this damn ride once more; I’ll surely go insane

Yet, with half-closed, squinted eyes, I ascend slowly, steadily to the top of the track

I reach the top – Whoa! Here I go again, plunging swiftly, violently back

Into the abyss of twirling ups and downs; abrupt turns, turn arounds

I swear when this roller coaster again slows down

I’m jumping off! I’d much rather be bruised; broken, pray tell . . .

Not dead, from riding this never ending circle of heaven hell

…Get on a calmer ride; perhaps, maybe? the merry go round

Then again, I think I’ll stick, perhaps, maybe? to solid ground

~By CordieB

——

I wrote this poem today and drew the picture after being hurled down another steep rollercoaster ride – my fault though!  F…. me once, shame on you . . . F….. me twice, three, four. . . . shame on me!  Anywho . . . I read the words below on Lostwidow’s blog some time ago.  The words she shared came back clearly to me.  Thus, I clicked on over there, read it about twice; now I’m cutting and pasting to share the words with you below.  

——- 

There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When
people can walk away from you: let them walk.  I don’t want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The Bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us.[1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can’t make them stay.

Let them go.

And it doesn’t mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you’ve got to know when people’s part in your story is over so that you don’t keep trying to raise the dead.

You’ve got to know when it’s dead.

You’ve got to know when it’s over. Let me tell you something. I’ve got the gift of good-bye. It’s the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It’s not that I’m hateful, it’s that I’m faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He’ll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don’t need it. Stop begging people to stay.

Let them go!!
If you are holding on to something that doesn’t belong to you and was never intended for your life,

then you need to……

LET IT GO!!!
…
LET IT GO!!!
…
LET IT GO!!!
…
LET IT GO!!!
…
LET IT GO!!!
…
LET IT GO!!!

“The Battle is the Lord’s!”

T. J. Jakes

When I was a girl

I would sit and listen to my auntees

and other older woman talk

about having to marry men they did not love

and how they eventually "learned to love."

I thought that was about the saddest

thing that anyone could ever do;

to marry someone and have to "learn to love"

was, in my opinion, the most sadistic,

most saddest, existence I could imagine . . .

until I grew up and I married

a knight in shining armour . . .

who turned out to be

a nightmare in shining armour . . .

and I began to . . .

"Learn to Hate"

~Written by CordieB

P.S.  This is in the past. . . We divorced years ago. . .

For information on Domestic Violence, visit TallT’s Blog .  She, painfully, yet bravely, tells her story and reaches out to anyone who may be living in this sad and dangerous situation.  She is a trooper who also was able to bravely walk   run away and awaken from a nightmare in shining armour.

The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone, but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone, but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer . . . I Corinthians 7:3-5 (NIV)

If you are looking for someone to be your everything, don’t look around, look up! God is the only One who can be everything. By expecting perfection from the flesh, yu ask more of someone else than what you can provide yourself. To be married is to have a partner: someone who is not always there or always on target or always anything! On the other hand, should you ever get in trouble and you don’t know who to look to for help, you can count on your partner! It is to have someone to curl up against when the world seems cold and life uncertain. It is having someone who is as concerned as you are when your children are ill. It is having a hand that keeps checking your forehead when you aren’t well. To be married is to have someone’s shoulder to cry on as they lower your parent’s body into the ground. It is wrapping wrinkled knees in warm blankets and giggling without teeth! To the person you marry, you are saying, “When my time comes to leave this world and the chill of eternity blows away my birthdays and my future stands still in the night; it’s your face I want to kiss good-bye. It is your hand I want to squeeze as I slip from time into eternity. As the curtain closes on all I have attempted to do and be, I want to look into your eyes and see that I mattered. Not what I looked like. Not what I did or how much money I made. Not even how talented I was. I want to look into the teary eyes of someone who loved me and see I mattered.”

T. J. Jakes, Hope for Every Moment, 365 Day to Healing, Blessings, and Freedom

To read the rest of this thought provoking story, visit Bright Warrior Nika’s blog at http://nikabrightlightwarrior.wordpress.com/2007/12/15/love-vs-religion/